Sunday, October 24, 2010

Wabbit Season

This is an actual jar on an actual shelf, inside my actual house, and if I get one more phone call from one more political candidate for whatever.... I'm going to start putting people in it.
Let me explain how I feel about politics/politicians: I HATE them. I don't just hate this party or that party... I hate them all. I don't watch them on the news. I don't read about them in the paper. I don't listen to their pre-recorded phone calls. Ugh.. mostly this time of year, I just try to avoid them as much as possible.

Seriously?! Don't call my house, during dinner time, and chirp to me over the phone about your "traditional family values!" Really?! If you're such a stand-up family man how come you aren't at home, I dunno, eating dinner with your family? And why are you annoyingly interrupting other families' dinners? I don't want to take your stupid survey. I don't want to listen to your campaign. I just want you to shut-up, stop calling my house, and leave me alone so I can listen to my daughter describe the entire plot line of Marmaduke one more time, K?

OH! And what is with all you creepy politicians squatting outside of my house?! This is no exaggeration: last week, I noticed a huge red SUV, emblazoned with posters and American flags, parked outside on the grass right in between my next door neighbor's yard and my own. It, and the guy inside of it, sat out there for 30 minutes. Just sat there, staring at our houses. It was right at the time I always go pick up NB from school. He sat there and watched me as I carted Calvin out, strapped him into his car seat, came back inside, grabbed the baby, strapped her into her seat, came back inside, grabbed my purse and my keys, and as I'm trying to sit down in my car, he GETS OUT and walks over to my WINDOW and starts tapping the glass trying to hand me a damned political pamphlet!!!! The old man is lucky I didn't run him over with my car. He is lucky all he got was a slammed car door in his face and a very blunt, "I don't have time for this now!!!!" before I quickly backed out of the driveway.

The very next night, I noticed, yet another car parked across the street facing our house. It and the man inside sat there for a good while. I noticed it when I was leaving to go pick up some dinner (dinner time, again). I had enough time to drive into town, wait in line for 15 minutes or so, stop at the grocery and get drinks, and drive back home, at which point he was STILL SITTING there. As I get out and start gathering up all of my grocery bags and such, he gets out and starts making his way over to my house. I could see the pamphlets out of the corner of my eye. It was like one of those horrific dreams you have where you are trying to run away from a monster and you just know you aren't going to make it. But I did, and I closed the door and locked it before he made it halfway across our yard. He must have knocked on the door a good 5 times before he gave up and realized that even though we were in there, we weren't going to answer it. So he just shoved his pamphlet into the door and FINALLY left.

The next time I see some creepy politician perched out on the street I'm calling the police and reporting them for loitering. Even if nothing comes of it, maybe they will at least move along.
It's politician season, folks. And the little buggers are everywhere!!!!

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